It’s a hot June night in Zurich, and the heat is making me think too much…

I wasn’t sure what to write this month, since my books are still in the editing process. Life has also happened. We’ve had some family issues in the last couple of months that have been difficult, but we’re hanging in there. For me, I’m just taking it day by day, writing book #5 when I can, taking care of The Wife, and playing Elder Scrolls Online. (If you’re on PC/EU, feel free to friend me there if you like. Username is @worthyadvisor.)

What’s mostly been on my mind lately, besides the family stuff, is the news coming out of the US. More mass shootings, the January 6 hearings, anti-trans bullshit, anti-queer bullshit, racist bullshit, and so on, ad nauseum.

I can’t write about it anymore. It’s all stuff I’ve written about for years on this blog. There’s the right wing fascists who want to kill people like me and my wife and create a theocracy. There’s left wing fascists who demand ideological purity and still want to kill people like my wife (who is transgender). I feel like I’ve lost my country. There are days where I want to march to Bern and hand in my passport. (I’m not going to do that, though, because that would make my life way more complicated than it needs to be.) My wife’s lost her country, too. And it’s not entirely from the Tories, either. It’s because TERFs have taken on positions in the the UK government, and there is massive anti-transgender sentiment in the country now (fuck you JK Rowling).

It’s exhausting. I mean, at least, being in Switzerland, we don’t have to worry about getting shot.

I’m tired of writing about compassion and spirituality and feeling like I’m talking to brick walls. I’m tired of having to prove that I’m perfect when it comes to anything progressive. I’m tired of people being shitty with each other and not giving people the chance to change and grow.

I want to have more hope. I want to think that we can get ourselves out of this rut of hatefulness that we’re in. But it’s hard to see any end. Things sometimes seem to look up, but then nothing happens. The priest in me wants to fix everything, but it feels like nothing can be fixed, or that what people try to do to fix things just won’t work.

I try to put hope in my stories and I’d love it if I’d inspire people to strive for something better. But right now, change seems so very far away.

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